i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
