im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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