Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
