I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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