im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize