It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
