Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
