I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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