DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
3 2 1 whiskey
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
