im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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