Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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