very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
