Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
