He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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