Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
