Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
