ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
