I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
