I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
