I got her a Nickelback box set.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
