I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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