it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
