Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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