are you so shy because you have an std?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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