i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
