The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize