also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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