Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
