i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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