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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
