He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
