So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
