I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
