There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Randomize
