4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
