Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
