i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize