Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
