i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
