i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
