Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
