You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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