I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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