Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
