You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
