with your own penis?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
