I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
