I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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