We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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