For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
