I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize