Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
