Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
