When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
