he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
