Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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