They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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