How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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