he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
