I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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