well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i think i just lost a toe
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