I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
