Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
