your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
