So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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