had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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